Saturday, April 12, 2014

Waiting for the boulder to budge

I read a post by Lauren Fleshman this morning titled The Boulder Budged. She had a baby 10 months ago now and hasn't felt like herself until recently. 

I'm waiting for that boulder to budge myself. My Norah will be 7 months old on the 17th. I love her. she is truly a happy baby with a great personality. She just doesn't sleep. Up until a few days ago she was getting up 2-4 times a night still. This week it's down to 1-2 and I've had to finally do CIO cuz I'm standing on the edge of a cliff ready to dive off into crazy land. I was spoiled with my first baby. He started sleeping through the night at 11 weeks and really has kept to the 7pm-7am schedule since. Norah came along and shot that all to hell. I try not to complain because I know others have it way worse. At least when she's awake she's happy as a clam. 

My point in this is this sleep deprivation is effecting me big time. I'm a cranky, sand in the eyes, barely can function, exhausted ghost of who I used to be. It's effecting everything. I ran 12 miles yesterday at a 9:34 pace. Not bad right? I was so tired through it I felt like I was dragging my ass on the pavement. Then j got woke up twice last night and now have to go work a 10 hour shift. I'm spent. I love running LOVE it! and am lucky to do it but lately every step is hard. That makes it tough. I'm 3 weeks from my first half marathon since pre babies. I'm so excited and scared that I'm going to get to the start line and be so tired from the constant wake ups that it will be the race from hell instead of the happy comeback I want it to be. 

Breast feeding is zapping my energy to. Being a mother runner is tough! I'm lucky to run that's what I keep telling myself. 

I know I'm Venting but I just want to be real, and reality is that being a mom, working, being a wife and running is freaking hard and sometimes the rewards seem so hard to reach so out of reach. I love to run so much that I will keep putting one foot in front of the other. I will keep going. Running taught me that. I just wish the boulder would budge for me and it will start to get a little easier soon.